How to actually land dates on the apps without getting burnt out
It's a science (hashtag women in stem).
Listen, I get it. Dating apps are hard. They lure you in by game-ifying the dating scene, but quickly the endless swipe feels more like a chore than a luxury. And the more people talk about how much Hinge sucks, the more it starts to feel true.
But as much as we complain about them, dating apps are truly a fantastic option for people who genuinely want to go on dates and aren’t comfortable making moves IRL. And I fully believe that there are strategies at your disposal to not only maximize your enjoyment but also improve your success rate. So, let’s discuss!
#1: If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.
We’ve all been there. You feel like your algorithm is only loaded with prospects who are so not your type, so you swipe right on any semi-decent person who crosses your path, only to ignore them if they ever message you because you were never actually interested in the first place.
Here’s the thing: That’s a sure fire way to induce dating app burnout.
Instead, I operate under the rule that in order for me to swipe right or match with someone online, it has to be a “hell yes.” It has to be someone who I would be actually excited to match with. For the pickier folks out there, you may worry that that means you’ll never swipe right on anyone. But don’t overthink the rule, and definitely don’t overanalyze people’s profiles. If you think, “Oh, that person looks cute!” just go for it. Otherwise, bid them adieu. As my therapist told me, dating apps are like a buffet. You can take what looks good to you, and leave what doesn’t.
#2: Give out more comments than likes.
Likes show someone you’re interested, but a comment starts a conversation. And conversations are what lead to dates! So, if you are really intrigued by someone, I would always recommend dropping a comment. It can be as simple as responding to one of their prompts, but it can also be a genuine compliment (I promise it’s not creepy!). When I’m sliding in, I tend to pick a characteristic of that person that I enjoy, such as “I love your mustache” or “Your dimples are amazing.” If I’m feeling extra spicy, I’ll try a “You’re so hot” or even “This photo got me pregnant.” But that may not be for everyone.
#3: On the flip side, make sure your prompts can serve as conversation starters.
It goes both ways! It’s great to leave comments, and it’s also for your profile to have proper openings for someone to leave said comment. For example, “I’m overly competitive about everything,” or “The first round is always one me,” doesn’t invite any sort of conversation. Like, WTF do you want me to say to that? “Okay cool”? Instead, lean into your interests, quirks, or hot takes. Think: Dinner party convos that always get the table yapping.
On my personal profile, the prompt that receives the most comments is “I’ll brag about you to my friends if you can beat me in Catan.” People have endless thoughts about the board game and different strategists, and it can even initiate a date idea!
Tip #4: Never EVER open with “hey Mia!”
This one should be obvious, but it makes up at least 75% of my messages. I beg of you, be more creative. The best part about chatting online is that you have time to think about your message and come up with an awesome opener, so if you find yourself typing out the dreaded “Hey,” keep yourself in check and take a pause.
“Hey, how was your weekend?” is also bad but not as awful because at least you are asking a question. But c’mon people, let’s get weird, let’s be funny, let’s be suave! Comment on their prompts, give a compliment, or even go totally rogue! I used to open every conversation with “Fuck marry kill: Alvin, Simon, Theordore (the chipmunks).”
Hoping the above information doesn’t discredit my advice. XO.
#5: Don’t wait too long to initiate an in-person hang.
We don’t need to talk on Hinge for a week before going on a first date. In fact, let’s not. In an ideal world, we exchange a few messages, have some flirty banter, and then someone proposes a IRL meeting (I.e. “Want to talk about this more Wednesday night at Bibi Wine Bar?” In addition to swiping your brains out, chats that drag on are a gateway to dating app burnout. If you’re feeling the vibes with someone, take it to the next level. If not, just stop the conversation.
P.S. Ghosting doesn’t exist on dating apps! You can stop responding anytime you want to and it’s not rude, I promise (assuming you haven’t met in person, that is). Again, it’s a buffet, a free for all where we can act purely based on our desires! How thrilling.
Tip #6: Just go on the date.
First dates are totally scary and anxiety-inducing. But the more you go on, the lower the stakes become, and the less stressful they are!
If you find yourself dreading first dates or even canceling them, try to find a way to make it fun for yourself. For me, I love leaning into the getting ready aspect. I’ll self-tan the day before, paint my nails, and use it as an excuse to wear a fun outfit and get dolled up. That may not be fun for everyone, but it’s great motivation for me.
I hope this helped, you dating app queens! If you have more questions about this topic or any others, submit them to Reaching Railed so I can tackle your pressing Qs <3
