Reaching Railed: How do I sext? Should I date to marry? + more!

You asked. I answered!

Hi Mia! I’m a Jew (I know you are as well), and I think I want to marry someone Jewish. But I can’t decide if I should limit my Hinge to only show me Jews, or keep it as is and have the potential to match with anyone. Do you take religion into consideration when dating people? And do you think it’s a good or bad idea to be dating to marry?

Hello my fellow chosen person! This is something I think about a lot, so I’m so glad you asked. Here’s the whole truth: Do I think I want to marry someone Jewish? Yes, most likely. Do I only date Jews? No. Do I think that this is probably a flawed system? Absolutely. So, honestly, I don’t have it all worked out. Not even close. But let us discuss anyways.

I’ve never been someone who dates to marry. Frankly, marriage has always felt so far off into the future that it wasn’t even on my mind, let alone a factor in choosing who I go out with. I’m also not innately a relationship person and gravitate towards casual hookups, so I tend to care more about whether the person is a good bang than a good potential husband.

However, not to be the most cliché tradwife in the world, I just turned 25-years-old a few weeks ago, and the thought did cross my mind of “Should I be…lowkey…trying to find my husband?” I know that I eventually want to get married and have a life partner, so should I start actually looking for him? Should I start dating more Jews and getting serious about my future?

After some pondering, I can confidently say that I’m not ready for my husband. My slutty days are nowhere near to behind me. So while I don’t plan to start husband hunting tomorrow, I will continue to use my dating adventures to have new experiences, make connections, and gather data on what I want in a partner—all which will be valuable in the long-term goal of me to being marriage ready!

So, that’s me—but you might be ready for your husband! If you are, I don’t think it’s at all crazy to narrow the focus on your Hinge or your search in general. However, I think that all your experiences—whether with Jews or non-Jews—are helpful in finding the one. The decision to date to marry is such a personal one, but there’s absolutely no right or wrong!

---

Do you have any sexting tips for a long-distance, long-term couple?

Ask and you shall receive! Here are my top tips for long-distance sexting:

1. Schedule sexy FaceTime dates. An out-of-the-blue nude or sext can be tricky, since you never know if the other person is in the mood to receive it. But if you’re able to plan in advance, the anticipation—and general horniness—can grow, ensuring that both parties are ready to rumble. Maybe you’ll plan a sexy outfit or even bring props, showing that you can put effort and intention into sex, even when you’re not in the same place.

2. Lean into your horny shared history. Sexting can be tricky when you feel like you’re pulling content out of thin air. That’s why it can be so useful—and hot—to reference past experiences you two have had together. For example, “Remember that time when were at *insert place* and then we did *insert sexy thing*? I’m dying to do that to you right now.” Both people will be able to more clearly visualize the sex, making it all the more erotic.

3. Experiment with sex toys designed for long distance. There are super cool vibrators on the market that come with a virtual remote that another person can control—no matter how far away they are. This can be used in so many ways: for a planned FaceTime date, or maybe for a sexy surprise on a night out (one person wears the vibrator on them, and the other gets to say hello throughout the evening using the controller). I’m getting hot just thinking about it!

4. Don’t be afraid to get dirty. Like very dirty. I’ve been there: sending naughty texts and cringing at myself for what I’m writing. IDK why, but typing out your dirty talk can feel way more embarrassing than saying it out loud. But I’m here to tell you that your sexts are not weird or awkward, especially if the person on the receiving end is in a horny state of mind. Don’t be afraid to get dirty and really lean into it—I promise, it’s hot. The only person cringing is you!

5. Voice memos. That’s the tweet. Listen, you don’t need to record a whole podcast. But sending a little teaser using voice memos can be a fantastic tool while sexting—because there’s really nothing hotter than hearing your partner’s voice. Give it a try, and LMK how it goes!

---

Hi Railed! I don’t have a ton of sexual experience and have been waiting to explore until I’m with a long-term partner. I’ve tried casual hookups and don’t enjoy them. How can I screen for sexual compatibility while dating?

I love this question, because there really are so many ways to get a sense for sexual compatibility that don’t involve getting down and dirty! For example, if you and your date are communicating well, that is a huge green flag of how your sex will go. In my experience, the biggest indicator of sexual enjoyment is whether I have strong communication with the other person—am I comfortable speaking openly with them? Do they listen to and process what I say? Do we have good chat and banter, or lots of awkward silences? IMO, there’s nothing worse than quiet sex.

Another sign that the sexual chemistry is there? If you have that ~oomph~ (in other words, if they make you horny). You don’t need to bang or even kiss to assess this level of compatibility. Say it with me: A physical connection can be prevalent without physical contact! Ask yourself, are you attracted to them? Do they make your insides tingly? Are you wanting to sit closer to them, wanting to look into their eyes, and do they make you nervous?

I know you mentioned that you’re not interested in a casual hookup. But if you are wanting to end a date with a smooch, I do think that’s another strong indicator of sexual compatibility. A good kiss says A LOT, and a bad kiss says even more. I hope these tips are helpful, and please report back on your dating escapades!

Thank you all for writing such fabulous questions! As always, submit your own questions to Reaching Railed here!