Reaching Railed: I want to give a blowjob but have no clue what I'm doing

If I ever gave a Ted Talk you KNOW it would be on this...

Dear Railed,

I’m 22 and I have never given a blowjob or had sex. I started dating someone at the beginning of summer, and we have been taking it pretty slow. When we hook up, he goes down on me, and I really want to reciprocate, I just don’t know where to start! I tried once but he didn’t stay hard and it was so awkward that I had to stop halfway through. I tried watching porn but it only made me more confused. I’m mostly friends with guys and I don’t know who else to ask!

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Dearest Gentle Reader (plz respect me in this time as I serve Lady Whistledown), this is the most valid question in the world! Giving blowjobs can be scary intimidating — it’s like this weird thing pointing at your face, saying “eat me!” And, of course, not everyone went to Jewish summer camp like I did where we swapped sexual information like baseball cards. It would be my absolute honor to walk you through the BJBs (blowjob basics, duh) and chat about how you can make it a fun experience for, not just the recipient, but you as well. 

Before we get started, an important disclaimer: To me, giving a blowjob is one of the most empowering acts during sex that there is. It makes me feel unstoppable and totally in control. You may not relate, and that’s okay! But please, let this Substack reach its intended audience: the girls and gays who want to find the power and freedom in a good ol’ BJ. To any man planning to whip their dick out and read, this is not a safe space for you. Your grandma is watching. 

Back to regularly scheduled programming. Welcome, Railed readers, to my Masterclass. My Everest. My Ted Talk. My pride and joy, also known as my guide to sucking on a penis. Yum!

Part 1: The lead up is EVERYTHING

If you’ve received oral sex yourself, you know that there’s nothing worse than someone jamming on your clit like a record player with no build up time. The same is true for blowjobs! It’s all about building momentum, so once you do finally make penis-mouth contact, he won’t be able to contain his excitement — literally and in terms of cum (hehe).

So, let’s get into specifics. While you’re in the make-out stage of the hookup, play with his belt loop or the waistband of his pants to signal that you’re looking to get inside of them. Once his pants have left the scene, kiss his face, neck, ears, etc., before smooching your way down his stomach, stopping before you get to the goods.

Then comes the big tease: Lick, kiss, and suck on every inch of his lower half except the peen. I’m talking inner thighs, pubic bone, maybe even some temporary taint action. Give attention to every corner of his body except where he really wants it — that’s actually feminism, I believe.

Part 2: We’re out here sucking, baby

You’ve done your due diligence and properly teased the shit out of this man. Now, he’s ready for you to give it to him — but not all at once. Before full sending, lick up and down his member, prolonging the tease just a little bit longer. This will also help lube up the surface so it’s a smoother ride once you do start sucking.

Sucking: the word of the hour. This involves moving your mouth up and down the penis, while creating a sort of a vacuum seal with your cheeks. You can suck at any pace or intensity — maybe the receiver likes slow and sensual, or maybe they prefer rapid fire. Don’t be afraid to try out different methods and see what gets him freaking the fuck out! 

Blowjobs can be tiring, especially for people who have a tight jaw like me (anxiety girlies, unite). Your hands are a great tool to take some pressure off of your mouth! Twist one or both hands up and down the penis — if he’s not the biggest guy there is, you can use a few fingers from both of your hands to give him a little ego boost (i.e you’re so big I need to use both hands!). You can use your hands and mouth, just mouth, just hands, whatever your heart desires! Switch it up, take breaks, feed off of his energy and have fun with it! You’re in control — that’s the best part.

There is so much to say about this phase of the BJ — it’s really the main event! — so here are my Sucking Quit Hits:

1. Don’t be afraid to ask what he’s into! This might feel awkward, but you can make it totally hot. Say things like, “What turns you on?” “Where do you want my mouth?” and “Show me what you like.” Communication is key, people!

2. Eye contact is sexy AF. You might feel like you look like a troll, but he will think you’re the diamond of the season. 

3. Spit is currency when you are giving head, and it doesn’t always come easy. When I find myself running low on saliva, I typically try one of two things: 1) Lowkey choke on his dick for a minute to create spit in my own mouth, 2) Ask him for some of his own! Just put your hand up to his mouth and he will get the idea.

4. Get messy with it. Don’t worry if your hair is sticking to your face or if you’re making that loud slurping noise. Be a slurp queen! When it comes to blowjobs, the wetter and messier, the better. 

5. Balls are people, too. Don’t forget to give them a little attention! Balls can be stroked, sucked, tugged — the world is their sacky oyster! When it comes to these hanging fellas, it never hurts to ask the recipient if they have any preferences. Some men are into the balls, while others may not be a fan!

Part 3 but it’s the most important part: The best blowjob is from someone who wants to be doing it

PSA: If you don’t want to give a blowjob, no need, queen! If someone is pressuring you to do so, then they are not worthy of your services. But if you are turned on by the act, then this is the biggest lesson I’ve learned from my slut-scapades: If you’re having fun, he will too.

Energy is contagious. If someone senses that you’re grossed out while giving head, they’re going to get insecure and go soft as slinky. But if they can sense that you are having fun and getting revved up too? Well, that’s when the magic happens. 

So, my advice to aspiring blowers would be to always make it fun for yourself, and find your power in the act. For me, I love to get creative, joke around, and pursue my own pleasure all while giving head! Maybe that means letting out some moans, offering some light chit chat, or trying something new together. It’s a time for me to give a generous gift to someone I find hot, while celebrating my sexuality and general awesomeness.

To my Railed readers, I hope this was helpful! And please, write in your own questions for Reaching Railed here! Remember, this is a safe space and judgement free zone. Except for you, Tino. You’re fucking weird.

XOXO,

Mia