Reaching Railed: Penis stamina, guys with girl friends, and how to find GREAT sex
As always, my readers are asking the important questions!
Hello my lovely Railed readers! I recently gained some new members of the crew, so allow me to introduce you to my advice column, Reaching Railed—where nothing is TMI and everything is anonymous. Do you have a weird sex question you don’t know who to ask? Got a dating dilemma and you need a friend who won’t judge? Submit your own questions to Reaching Railed here to receive my unprofessional, unfiltered advice. Now, let’s dive into this week’s reader questions!
Hello, I’m a male reader and am wondering how important stamina is during sex. Is lasting long key for being a1? And do you have any advice for men who want to increase their stamina?
Hi sir! Great question—I completely understand why you would wonder that, given that movies and culture and general convos around sex emphasize this idea that the longer men last, the better the sex is. But guess what: That couldn’t be more wrong! I don’t know where that notion came from—I honestly feel like it’s some weird, hyper masculine competition where guys are taught that the longer they stay erect the more of a strong man they are. But frankly, I believe that the mission to keep your dick endlessly hard is actually distracting you from what women really want during sex (and what will make you “a1” as you said): Foreplay! Fingering! Eating out! Kissing! Teasing! Strong stroke game!
Allow me to elaborate. The amount of time the penis is inside the vagina is not what determines how good the sex is. The penis could be in the vagina for multiple hours and the sex could suck the whole time! And to be totally honest, sometimes when the penetration lasts a really long time, my vagina starts to get sore…which is all to say that length of time is never an indicator of enjoyment (at least for moi).
What is an indicator of enjoyment? If the man is excited about making me feel good. If he places importance on not just the penetration, but the other key elements of sex—like oral sex, which should be happening before, during, and after penetration (in my dream scenario, at least). In my opinion, the BIGGEST party foul during boning is when a guy is so focused on staying hard, that he disregards what would feel good for you entirely—and his penis turns into this third person in the scenario whose needs somehow become more important than either of yours.
Of course, it can be fun if the sex lasts longer than a few seconds, but I would personally much rather quick sex with lots of other pleasure spiced in, rather than a painfully long bang where the sole focus is making sure the guy stays hard. So, if I were you, I wouldn’t worry too much about stamina! Because even if you cum faster than you wanted, that *doesn’t* mean the sex has to be over. Go down on her, king! Let’s make it happen!
he has so many girl friends
LOL because this was the full “question” that this reader wrote in, but I felt compelled to respond. Queen (in this case I know in my soul that this is a woman)—a guy having female friends is a wonderful thing! It shows that he doesn’t only see women as sexual objects, but rather as fellow humans who he can hangout with in a platonic way. It also means that he’s more likely to be up to speed on the struggles women are facing & what’s going on in Girl World, because he’s not only surrounded by his male friends who probably never discuss any of that. Of course, if he’s flirtatious or has a romantic history with the girl he’s friends with, that’s a different story. But if a man I’m seeing has a pure, wholesome friendship with a woman, I would consider that a major green flag.
I’m entering my 30s and feel like I’ve never really had *great* sex. I also don’t like casual sex and want a partner to explore with (in a sexually monogamous relationship) but am struggling to find someone who is a good match, and therefore continually delay sex. Would love any advice you have on how to balance this!
Hey Railed Reader! Thank you so much for writing in. I know this question will resonate with a whole lot of the Railed community, especially those on a similar search. That is, a quest for *really great sex,* which can be a very elusive thing. How do you find it? How do you know when you found it? Is it an instant connection, or something that’s worked at? Because sex is incredibly subjective, the answer to these will be different for each person, too. But to answer your specific question—how to search for great sex while searching for a monogamous partner—my advice would be twofold.
In my completely unprofessional but slutty opinion, the foundation for super awesome sex is created by two things.
The first? Your own sexual liberation.
In order to have the great sex that you desire and deserve, it’s crucial to do the work within yourself to become comfortable with your sexuality—but what does that look like? It’s about working to alleviate any shame you may have associated with sex, something that society especially places on women; becoming comfortable communicating your wants and needs during sex; and most importantly, getting rid of any notion that sex is only for the man to enjoy, and women are simply there to be pleasers. I I mean, how can you have incredible sex if a voice in your head is saying that it’s not for you? (P.S I’m assuming you’re a woman LOL IDK why I just got a vibe! But even if you are man, this advice completely applies, though you may have less shame to begin with. So you have a head start!).
The great thing about this first requirement is that you can do it alone! You don’t need casual hookups or random sex to start your search for really great sex. It can start within you—your own sexual liberation & exploration. Maybe you do a lot of masturbating and get really acquainted with what you like. Maybe you listen to podcasts or read books about sex and how to communicate during. Or maybe you read Railed! Step 1 is totally in your hands.
Step 2 on the search for *great* sex is a little trickier. I think you need some luck. I’ve been in relationships where I was totally in love but the sexual compatibility wasn’t there, and I’ve had casual hookups that blew my mind. But the best sex of my life to this day was in my last relationship (dear god I hope he doesn’t read this). It started off really good. The initial compatibility was there. And then trust and communication and our own sexual freedom got it to be *great*.
Truthfully, I think sexual compatibility can be a little random—sometimes we just get lucky and someone is a great match for our energy, sometimes you wish it was there and it’s not. But by cleaning up your side of the street— letting yourself be the sexual god or goddess that you are—I think that you’ll be fully ready to make the sex great when that right person comes along. My dearest Railed Reader, I wish you oodles of luck on your search!
Okay friends, I hope these answers were somewhat helpful! Thank you to everyone who is writing in, and a big warm welcome to my new subscribers! I’m happy you’re here :)
""I honestly feel like it’s some weird, hyper masculine competition where guys are taught that the longer they stay erect the more of a strong man they are. ""
Oh heavens no. I cannot tell you how many women freaked out when my dick would go semi soft during a long sex session. These women were genuinely insulted that my penis dared not be full mast at all times, even when I was pleasuring them. This is not some macho masculine thing. A hard-at-all-times penis is what women are demanding. Female ignorance of male anatomy seems to be rampant
Dear me
One really wonders about modern American women. One does hope they are not all self absorbed sluts.