Does anyone actually think she deserves any sympathy though? It’s like if someone got handed a billion dollars and 3 years later they’re crying about having lost it all.
I strongly encourage you not to have sex on the first date if you are serious about a relationship leading to marriage. Give it at least 3 or 5 dates minimum. That will help filter out the low-quality males who just want easy sex and aren’t interested in marriage.
I love this and I wish every woman had this perspective, and I wish you love and happiness and the children you want, but please please please understand most women are rejecting guys who would be everything they want because they interpret minor flaws or hiccups in men as red flags. And that makes the entire equation impossible.
Yep. His laugh was weird. He took me to Applebees. He told a dad joke. He texted back too quickly. He took too long to text back. He wore shorts. He wore long pants. He wore socks. He didn't wear socks. His shoes were too casual. His shoes were too formal. He wasn't 6ft tall. We've all seen/heard the stores. None of them have any bearing on whether the relationship would be successful or not
Most things that get seen as "minor flaws". A refusal to do dishes. An inability to bring orgasm. A 5 year age gap. These are dealbreakers society treats as minor inconveniences.
How do you know thats the kind of thing he's referring to? J hasn't mentioned anything specific and it doesn't come up in the article either. For all you know he could be referring to people who say men not texting good morning every morning or someone's dog not liking your boyfriend is a red flag.
Hi Mia, love your writing and your honesty is refreshing. The scenario you describe as being terrified of? The one where you get to an age where your life hasn’t planned out as you’d hoped . Where you find yourself convincing yourself that you never really wanted the soulmate husband and children anyway?
I genuinely hope this scenario doesn’t occur and you enjoy a long, loving, children filled marriage.
What you have described in your article is, sadly, the dream of a significant number of women of a similar age.
This might be in your favour, as it won’t put you at a disadvantage in the ‘pool’ of similar aged women who want to settle down.
However, there can be all the ‘positive’ cultural influences in the world, most men have a similar view when choosing a spouse. Society can demonise ‘slut shaming’ or ‘whore phobia’ (which is a new one I heard yesterday) all day long, and women can even pretend to be proud of their past.
But very few men will marry a woman who has a considerable ‘past’.
Regardless of how it’s framed (empowerment, having agency). The only men interested will not be the kind of men you would consider marrying. Only interested in short term gratification, and not thinking of anything long term outside of the next woman they can fuck.
Basically the kind of man that reflects the lifestyle you profess to live now. Unfortunately for you, the other women won’t have a Substack or other accounts detailing their “I’m going to get railed” phase. A true soulmate is a person who knows all about you and as soon as he sees your writing as you share each other’s past, his mind and feelings about you will immediately change.
Your future husband will have to be a man who can read everything you have written and still love you regardless. I know that sounds judgemental, but humans are judgemental people regardless of how much they profess otherwise.
Feminism has played a generation of women into thinking they can get fucked half to death and if a man doesn’t want you afterwards then he’s not a real man, and one will come along soon enough.
Which is utter bollocks. The likelihood is that your choice of future husband is going to come from a very small pool of men, and you will undoubtedly have to compromise on the type of husband you always saw yourself with. Sorry.
“late? I’ve made my way through a good deal of men at this point (slut!)”
While I’m not going to chastise you for your personal choices, just realize that by saying these things, you are admitting to a kind of lifestyle that most men have no idea how to relate.
Hey, pretty typical man here. I think I check a lot of the boxes you are looking for in a man so I may represent the type of guy you’re interested in.
Don’t get excited yet though, I’m happily married. But as a guy who is the kind of guy you’re apparently looking for.
You sound like a sweet girl and all, but your search for a potential husband is riven with contradictions that will make it unlikely you’ll succeed. You probably want a man who is kind but also isn’t a complete doormat.
We don’t want to marry a girl who isn’t sure she’s “out of her slutty phase.” In most cases, if we have a choice between a girl who never had a slutty phase at all vs one who did and is very open about her slutty past, we’ll pick the former.
And before anyone says “men shouldn’t care about this,” I’m simply telling you we do. It’s a brute fact that doesn’t care about how you wish things could be. It’s coded in, like women caring about height or income. Women who are reading this- if you’re in your “slut phase,” most decent men you meet who might otherwise see you as a potential wife will only view you as a hook up, because no good man wants to marry a slut.
I feel witnessed. Great read. Thank you.
Hey believe me you're not alone! Don't lose hope and let things evolve and try not to go crazy in the process!
Real
mia 🌟 you’re amazing
I’m crying!! I love this so much
Does anyone actually think she deserves any sympathy though? It’s like if someone got handed a billion dollars and 3 years later they’re crying about having lost it all.
I strongly encourage you not to have sex on the first date if you are serious about a relationship leading to marriage. Give it at least 3 or 5 dates minimum. That will help filter out the low-quality males who just want easy sex and aren’t interested in marriage.
I love this and I wish every woman had this perspective, and I wish you love and happiness and the children you want, but please please please understand most women are rejecting guys who would be everything they want because they interpret minor flaws or hiccups in men as red flags. And that makes the entire equation impossible.
Yep. His laugh was weird. He took me to Applebees. He told a dad joke. He texted back too quickly. He took too long to text back. He wore shorts. He wore long pants. He wore socks. He didn't wear socks. His shoes were too casual. His shoes were too formal. He wasn't 6ft tall. We've all seen/heard the stores. None of them have any bearing on whether the relationship would be successful or not
Since it seems to apply, a post I wrote on pickiness in dating: https://getbettersoon.substack.com/p/pickiness-how-men-and-women-miss
No? They're really not. Those are very real red flags; men don't get rejected for no reason.
What red flags are you referring to?
Most things that get seen as "minor flaws". A refusal to do dishes. An inability to bring orgasm. A 5 year age gap. These are dealbreakers society treats as minor inconveniences.
The defense rests.
How do you know thats the kind of thing he's referring to? J hasn't mentioned anything specific and it doesn't come up in the article either. For all you know he could be referring to people who say men not texting good morning every morning or someone's dog not liking your boyfriend is a red flag.
A high body count is a no-go. Sorry.
Hi Mia, love your writing and your honesty is refreshing. The scenario you describe as being terrified of? The one where you get to an age where your life hasn’t planned out as you’d hoped . Where you find yourself convincing yourself that you never really wanted the soulmate husband and children anyway?
I genuinely hope this scenario doesn’t occur and you enjoy a long, loving, children filled marriage.
What you have described in your article is, sadly, the dream of a significant number of women of a similar age.
This might be in your favour, as it won’t put you at a disadvantage in the ‘pool’ of similar aged women who want to settle down.
However, there can be all the ‘positive’ cultural influences in the world, most men have a similar view when choosing a spouse. Society can demonise ‘slut shaming’ or ‘whore phobia’ (which is a new one I heard yesterday) all day long, and women can even pretend to be proud of their past.
But very few men will marry a woman who has a considerable ‘past’.
Regardless of how it’s framed (empowerment, having agency). The only men interested will not be the kind of men you would consider marrying. Only interested in short term gratification, and not thinking of anything long term outside of the next woman they can fuck.
Basically the kind of man that reflects the lifestyle you profess to live now. Unfortunately for you, the other women won’t have a Substack or other accounts detailing their “I’m going to get railed” phase. A true soulmate is a person who knows all about you and as soon as he sees your writing as you share each other’s past, his mind and feelings about you will immediately change.
Your future husband will have to be a man who can read everything you have written and still love you regardless. I know that sounds judgemental, but humans are judgemental people regardless of how much they profess otherwise.
Feminism has played a generation of women into thinking they can get fucked half to death and if a man doesn’t want you afterwards then he’s not a real man, and one will come along soon enough.
Which is utter bollocks. The likelihood is that your choice of future husband is going to come from a very small pool of men, and you will undoubtedly have to compromise on the type of husband you always saw yourself with. Sorry.
“late? I’ve made my way through a good deal of men at this point (slut!)”
While I’m not going to chastise you for your personal choices, just realize that by saying these things, you are admitting to a kind of lifestyle that most men have no idea how to relate.
Hey, pretty typical man here. I think I check a lot of the boxes you are looking for in a man so I may represent the type of guy you’re interested in.
Don’t get excited yet though, I’m happily married. But as a guy who is the kind of guy you’re apparently looking for.
You sound like a sweet girl and all, but your search for a potential husband is riven with contradictions that will make it unlikely you’ll succeed. You probably want a man who is kind but also isn’t a complete doormat.
We don’t want to marry a girl who isn’t sure she’s “out of her slutty phase.” In most cases, if we have a choice between a girl who never had a slutty phase at all vs one who did and is very open about her slutty past, we’ll pick the former.
And before anyone says “men shouldn’t care about this,” I’m simply telling you we do. It’s a brute fact that doesn’t care about how you wish things could be. It’s coded in, like women caring about height or income. Women who are reading this- if you’re in your “slut phase,” most decent men you meet who might otherwise see you as a potential wife will only view you as a hook up, because no good man wants to marry a slut.