I keep getting ghosted

Is this happening to anyone else?? Or just me???

I keep getting ghosted. Over and over again.

This summer, I went on a cheeky first date, after which the mystery man and I texted nonstop. That is, until he ghosted me—smack dab in the middle of the conversation. I found it strange and rather inexplicable, but ruled that those kinds of things happen. Maybe he had something personal going on. Or maybe he just wasn’t interested anymore.

A month or so later in early August, I went on my second date with a different boy from Hinge. We had sex that was mediocre for me but appeared wildly enjoyable for him, but when I suggested we hangout again, he never replied. Hmmm, I thought. That’s weird. Maybe he’s not into me? He certainly seemed into me. Again, I decided that however odd it was, I couldn’t let it get me down. It must be something to do with him, not me.

But then, October came around. I went on a wild 24-hour date that started with drinks at a wine bar, took us to a concert in Queens, followed by multiple rounds of sex that night and the next morning. As we laid in bed, he insisted, “When can I see you again?” asking multiple times to solidify our next plan. We landed on a day, texted that week to confirm, but as we started to plan out the details, you can guess what happened. He ghosted me.

It was at this point that I started to get really confused, and it took a whole lot of effort to not feel like I was doing something to repel these men away. Why would he ask to see me again if he didn’t want to? I wondered. It wasn’t even me who suggested we hangout again. It was HIM! Why do that and then ghost? I truly did not understand. However, the election happened a week or so later, and I quickly had bigger mental fish to fry. I tried not to give Concert Boy another thought.

A few months and a few boys followed. One was a mutual fizzle out, another let me know that he was “looking for something different” (acceptable! Reasonable!), and one I actively rejected due to the fact that he tried to coerce me into sex (unacceptable! Extremely unreasonable!). But finally, a month or so ago, I met someone who excited me. Who seemed into me. And who I had a big fat crush on.

We went on three awesome dates. And you know what happened? He fucking ghosted me. I even sent a follow up text that read, “Let me know if you’d like to hangout again!” that received no reply.

At this point, it felt impossible to not deduce that there must be something wrong with me.

I must be doing something weird on these dates to make ghosting a reasonable response. “I am the common denominator in all of these situations,” I told my therapist. “It has to be something about me.”

Truthfully, I haven’t reached a point where I’ve fully debunked this theory. It’s very possible that these men ghosted me because they were no longer interested in me due to something I did. Maybe they didn’t like that I was forward. Maybe they are uneasy about my work as a sex writer. Maybe I was simply acting weird as fuck. I’m not sure I’ll ever know.

But after much thought, I have decided that I would still rather be me. I would much prefer to be the person who puts themselves out there, who sends a follow-up text, who gets excited about crushes even if they don’t pan out. I would rather do that than be someone who ghosts.

I think this might be the most embarrassing Substack I’ve ever published—or at least, what feels the most embarrassing. To me, I’m far more uncomfortable talking about rejection and ghosting than I am about my literal asshole or porn preferences. I’m supposed to be the person giving advice about dating, but it feels like I’m failing, like the fact that I keep ghosted means I’m a completely non-credible source. Again, another theory I’m not sure I’m able to totally debunk.

Regardless, I hope you know that I will always be honest with you. If I’m in love, you’ll know. If I’m getting ghosted a lot, you’ll know. If I’m excited or pessimistic or having a lot of sex or none at all, you’ll probably know all that, too. And hopefully we can go through all of it together.

That being said, is anyone out there getting ghosted as much as me? If so, I’m begging you to LMK. We have so much to discuss.