Reaching Railed: The 5 steps to eating p*ssy really effing well

Because your vagina deserves the best.

Dear Mia,

My boyfriend isn’t that great at eating p*ssy (but he is self-aware about it). Are there any tips I can give to him to help? I feel like I can’t feel his tongue sometimes. Is that normal?? What has worked for you? I have only been able to orgasm from clitoral play (with or without fingering), but would like to have more variety in our oral sex life.

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Hello my pussy-owning queen. Thank you so much for writing in this question that literally all of us are constantly asking ourselves: How do we coach guys to be better at eating out? How do we even articulate what we want?

Listen, your BF is in fantastic company with the majority of men who desperately need to up their pussy eating game. However, your boyfriend is a unique, wonderful little butterfly because he is actually self-aware about it! Acknowledging that you have room to grow is the most important step, and for a lot of guys, their ego gets in the way of this.

Brief anecdote intermission: A few weeks ago I was hooking up with this guy, and he was doing a very poor job going down on me. I kindly tried to give him direction, and he literally looked up from my crotch and said to me, “Well, *insert ex-girlfriend name here* used to love this, so I think it’s just you.” If it wasn’t entirely obvious, DON’T BE LIKE HIM! If a girl is brave enough to try and speak up for what she wants, consider it a gift from the above. Don’t let your pride get in the way of great head.

Also, eating pussy can be hard! Especially for guys, because they don’t have a vagina. It’s okay to admit your shortcomings — in fact, it can be really sexy to do so. Because to me, there’s nothing hotter than a guy who takes the time to understand my body by asking questions, trying different things, and finding pleasure in making me feel good.

So, with that being said, I’d love to offer my tips for being a boss-ass-pussy-eating-queen-or-king. To my lovely Railed reader who sent in this question, I hope this is helpful in providing concrete direction for your partner (or maybe even send this to him? Or is that super messy???).

P.S. I’m writing these tips from my POV as a heterosexual woman, so that is the vernacular I tend to use. But I want to be clear that this advice is for anyone who wants to eat anyone’s pussy! (times I’ve said pussy so far: 6)

5 STEPS TO BEING REALLY AWESOME AT EATING PUSSY

#1: (THIS IS SO IMPORTANT) Make her feel sexy

Allow me to let you in on a little secret: Letting someone go down on you is actually super vulnerable and often nerve wracking. Society loves to tell women that our vaginas are gross and that we need to shave them or deep clean them or pop pills so they smell like pineapples. So, it makes sense that there is bound to be insecurity when someone sticks their head down there. Will it taste okay? Will it smell okay? And most of all, will they think my vagina is sexy?

Pussy-eaters: It’s your job—no, your duty—to make it known that you love eating her out, and that you think it’s literally the hottest thing in the world. I promise: The best head I’ve ever received was from men who made me feel like it turned them on to be doing it.

To actually execute on this, lean into words of affirmation. “I can’t wait to eat you out” “You taste so good” “This is so hot” etc etc. This may sound cringe, but in the moment, it makes all the difference. If you are able to make your girl feel relaxed and create a space where the insecurities can wash away, the head will be next level. Trust.

#2: Ask questions! Lots of them!

Oral sex is an extremely personal experience, and while I can provide tips on what I generally believe to be good practice, everyone is going to have their own preferences. And there’s really only one way to find out what someone wants and enjoys: Just ask!

I know this might feel awkward, but I promise, there is nothing hotter than someone asking, “What do you want? What do you like?” If she offers you a vague answer such as “anything” or “that,” just do your thing and continue to check in and ask questions throughout. “How do you like that? Do you want it harder? Or softer? Do you want my fingers? Do you want my dick?” EEE I’m getting turned on just thinking about it!

#3: THE LEAD UP IS EVERYTHING

I said this about blow jobs, and I’ll say it about this: You gotta rev the engines before you can hit the gas (I have no clue if that actually means anything, but you get the metaphor) (hopefully).

I feel like guys have been given so much shit about not being able to find the clit, that now the ones who can locate it jump RIGHT IN. And while I’m thrilled that they’re becoming more familiar with female anatomy, the fact is that you shouldn’t be anywhere near my clit when first getting started. If you want to make someone orgasm, there needs to be build-up. Picture a rollercoaster: The slow, steady uphill is essential if you want that big drop.

So, what does this lead up look like, exactly? Light touching, avoiding the clit. Use your hands, lips, tongue, fingers, etc. focusing on sensitive areas like the inner thighs, pubic bone, and slowly moving towards exploring the vagina. Take this time to be slow, ask questions, and prep the surface (AKA, she better be wet AF, either by natural causes, spit, or lube). Key tip: IMO, the lighter the better, specifically at the start. You can always increase the pressure and intensity, but it’s trickier to pull back. Also, who doesn’t like getting a little teased at the start?

#3: Don’t take licking lessons from porn. Plz.

Reminder: Eating out is not a race for how fast you can move your tongue. You know the difference during sex between when a guy is jackhammering (ew) vs. giving deep, controlled strokes (slay)? That’s how I like to think of oral sex, too. Move away from the jackhammer, tongue flicking style to focus more on french-kissing the vagina, being sensual and targeted. As her energy picks up, she may want you to go faster or increase the pressure. But I would recommend avoiding the fast flicking motion with your tongue — especially off the bat — unless she specifies that that is what she’s into.

#4: Your fingers could be your best friends.

You can incorporate fingers throughout the entire experience, but I think they are especially effective as things heat up. Use them to put pressure on the clit while you lick other areas, insert them inside the vagina (again, start lighter and then grow the intensity), or if this is her thing (DEF CHECK FIRST) maybe you get a little booty hole action going! Important reminder: Don’t place your dry ass fingers anywhere near that queen’s vageen. Make sure to lick them, put lube on them, or maybe even be sexy and ask her to lick them. So many options! So they better not be dry!

While we’re here chatting about pinch hitters, don’t be afraid to bring in a toy or two! Vibrators, clit stimulators, butt plugs — they all have the power to elevate the experience, if it’s something that sounds exciting to you both. Check out some sex toys I like here ;)

#5: The best pussy-eating is the pussy-eating that happens all the time <3

Women know the story all too well: You quickly eat her out so she’s wet before you fuck her, you cum during penetration, and she stares off into the distance, wondering if she’ll ever get hers. So this is where my final, and maybe most important, pussy-eating tip comes in: You should be doing it all the fucking time. Before sex. During sex. After sex. For a lot of women, oral sex is the main event of a sexual encounter, and their most likely opportunity for orgasm. While penetration may be your big moment, don’t think of head as a woman’s foreplay — think of it as something that should happen continuously, throughout the entire sexual experience.

So there you have it, my horny homies. The five steps that I believe will up your pussy-eating game (final pussy count: 13!!). I think we need to do a whole different episode on fingering. Thoughts? As always, submit your own questions to Reaching Railed here!

XOXO,

Mia